It’s different for me, because they’re my in-laws and not my parents. Being one of two daughters-in-law and there being only two sons, is particularly a challenge, because Marjorie especially likes to be in control. And while she can’t do very much, she really is pretty alert and knows what’s going on and knows where things are and if she hears us pulling drawers open, wants to know what we’re looking for and can tell us exactly where it is. So on one level, that’s part of it.

When it comes to more physical care, I don’t see myself doing very much, maybe some simple decisions like helping choose clothes or going shopping to buy a few things for them. Susan has been very helpful with me at keeping those boundaries clear, that if they can’t do personal care for themselves, then that’s an indication that they need to move into nursing care. And so she’s trying to not take over a lot of those things that the nursing assistants would do. - Ruth Guengerich